Blind
by Phaelas
Summary: The world had never been as beautiful and perfect as Alexander would have him believe. Hephaistion pays the price for Alexander’s unrealistic ideas of the future.
1. chapter 1

Title: Blind

Author: Phaelas

Rating: PG-13

Summary: 'The world had never been as beautiful and perfect as Alexander would have him believe.' Hephaistion pays the price for Alexander's unrealistic ideas of the future.

Author's notes: This story is leaving dear Bagoas alone for a bit (awwwwwww… hehe), and is set in the time Alexander and Hephaistion return from Aristotle. It is based on a plotbunny that has been hopping around in my mind ever since I read that it was more common in that time to have a relationship with an older man. The word _eromenos _is used for the younger partner, _erastes _for the older. You will see why I needed to tell you that...  
This is not necessarily a part of the same series as 'A snake's advice' and 'Acceptance', yet I personally like to think that it is. It's not necessary to have read those fics though.

More author's notes: To all who reviewed on 'Acceptance', thank you! I'm glad the sequel pleased you so much, and I hope that you will like this story as well. It's the reviews that have gotten me to write on this, and it's the reviews that will make me keep doing just that! (hint, hint ;))

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Philip watched his wife through the thin curtain separating the chamber from the balcony. Olympias' hands were clenched around the balustrade, her shoulders tense, her head proudly cocked even as she looked down. Even though he could not see it, Philip knew very well the expression her face was holding at this moment – lips firmly pressed together, nostrils wide, eyes fixed in a cold stare on whatever was displeasing her. The curved line of her breasts heaved as an irritated sigh escaped her lips.

He quietly stepped outside. His wife's disapproval of something was dangerous, as she would take matters into her own hands whenever she could. Whatever it was she was scowling down on, the persons involved would do best to flee from her sight as quickly as possible, before the lightning from Olympias' eyes would strike them down – or worse.

Philip smirked at his thoughts, but his face grew serious again as his one eye captured the two young men below. There was a blond one, holding a stunning black horse, softly speaking to it, and a dark-haired, trying in vain to mount the animal – the horse moved his backside away in a nervous trot.

"What possesses him to share his most valuable possession with another?" Olympias' heavily accented voice broke the silence. "Is this a game to him? Does he not realise that the gods will not accept him sharing their gift with another? Or is he truly foolish enough not to understand _what_ it is he is doing? Didn't that wise Aristotle teach him _anything_?"

Philip snorted, breaking the seriousness of his wife's bitter words. "Alexander is too proud to listen to anyone, it is hardly fair to blame Aristotle for his foolhardy nature."

Olympias glanced over her shoulder, her eyes squeezed to thin lines. Philip knew she had had understood the meaning of his words very well.

"My son was ever a smart and obedient boy, before you sent him away. But if it is not Aristotle that has poisoned his mind, it is this Hephaistion."

Laughter sounded from below, and Philip could just make out the dark-haired man losing his balance as Bucephalus jumped away once more, and Hephaistion was quickly caught by his son's strong arms. The temperate stallion with its wavy mane halted a few meters away, snorted, and waited patiently until Alexander had stopped his giggling and would try to catch him again.

Philip sighed. His wife was right, it was foolish, certainly for someone his age – but in truth he could not blame Alexander. "What moves your son, woman, is that what they call friendship."

A dry laugh escaped his wife's throat as she spun around to face him. "Alexander is a prince, he has no friends," she spoke with a triumphant smile. "All they wish is to share in the power that will once be his. You, as a king, should know that better than any other!" Her voice dropped. "This Hephaistion is a threat that should be dealt with."

Olympias' eyes held the dangerous gleam Philip knew all to well, the look that made others tremble, afraid to speak another word. But what she forgot was that, even though many might be impressed by those piercing eyes, Philip did not fear. "You want Alexander for yourself, woman," he spoke loudly, "you're not fooling anyone. And you're not going to deal with anyone either. You are to stay away from Hephaistion – if anything happens to him, I'll hold you personally responsible for it." He gave her a stern look.

The treacherous woman tried to hold her face in a masquerade of cold disdain, but Philip could hear in her voice that she was furious. "I want the best for our son. It would be good if for once, you'd listen to me, for I, unlike you, know what he is capable of! He _needs_ our protection when his heart weakens him!"

Husband and wife stared at each other, one dark eye meeting hard blue ones. But after only a moment, new sounds from below distracted them. Alexander was cheering. A happily grinning Hephaistion sat proudly upon his friend's divine stallion.

A small smile curled upon Philip's lips. "It seems to me that he is capable of more than you would give him credit for."


	2. chapter 2

Hephaistion strolled alone through the hallway, uncertain of where to go. It was strange to be here again, the place of so many childhood memories that seemed from so long ago. Yet, he could not think of this place as home, as Alexander did. The time spent with Aristotle had been the best time in his life. He had always been a good student. He missed the place already and wanted to go back – but here, here was Alexander. He would follow Alexander everywhere. Except for his mother's chambers, perhaps, he thought with a wry smile. Which was where his beloved had been called only moments ago.

Hephaistion sighed, then turned around and headed for the doorway that lead outside. Just before reaching it, hurried footsteps startled him, and he looked over his shoulder to be faced with the impressive sized body and the one eye of Alexander's father. He spun around and took a hesitating step backwards. The man seemed to havegained weight since the last time Hephaistion had seen him. They were almost the same height. And he could finally see the socket of Philip's lost eye from up close - it was an ugly scar. He quickly turned his attention to the eye staring back at him. "Alexander is with his mother, my king."

"I know he is, friend of my son, Hephaistion," Philip's deep voice addressed him. "It is you I wish to speak with."

Hephaistion tried not to show his worry. Was he in danger? There was little chance Philip would just want a little chat with him. He remembered Alexander's father – simply 'the king' back then – and had always feared him a bit. Because of his eye, and because he knew this man could be brutal, dangerous when drunk. But at the moment the king seemed to be sober and looked at him seriously, while his hand asked Hephaistion to step outside and follow. With a heavy heart, the young man complied. No one could refusea king's request.

He was led through the gardens, still hot and dusty from the broad daylight earlier, but rapidly cooling as the sun was on it's path down. He stayed alert as they walked, alert to where they were going and which route they were taking. Most of it was familiar to him, yet not all, and it seemed important to remember his way back. Why did this man want to talk with him? He could think of reasons, and they all worried him.

It was on a secluded spot in the private gardens the king finally halted. There was a small, round temple surrounded by olive trees, and the scarred man motioned for Hephaistion to sit down on the marble boulders that formed the stairs up to the sacred building. Hephaistion kept his expression light and complied silently.

The king sat down a short distance away with a low growl. "Hephaistion, friend of my son, it surprises me I am to call anyone that on this day – my wife's hostile influence has thus far always done a great job at preventing Alexander finding friendship…"

The older man's voice trailed away with a heavy sigh. Hephaistion looked at him, unease growing, and waited. Hostile influence? From his mother? Was it true? Why was he saying this? After a few moments, Philip seemed to refocus and continued: "However, he finally seems to have found what _all _men need in this world, and as such I am happy to welcome you."

His gaze finally rested on Hephaistion, who gave a polite nod with downcast eyes, then looked up again. "Thank you, my king." A king welcoming him back… Well then at least _someone _welcomed him back, he thought wryly. But this could not be all, he read it in the other's watchful stare. What was this man hiding?

"You love Alexander?"

A test of friendship? "I love him, aye."

"As a lover?"

Ah, that was where this was going.

It disturbed him, even if it was not surprising. Should he deny it? Alexander had asked him not to tell his parents, but lying was another matter than not mentioning. This was an unforeseen conversation. "I love him as a friend. I love him as a lover."

The other man nodded slowly, a thoughtful expression on his face. Was it an act? "You seem loyal in your statement, which gladdens me, but somehow I do not feel you realise exactly what that will mean for both you and Alexander."

"I know he will be king," Hephaistion stated on a guarded tone.

"Yes, that is what we all hope, Hephaistion, his mother most of all. Has Alexander spoken to you about his mother?"

He nodded apprehensively. "He holds great faith in her."

"She hates you!"

The short, barked words startled Hephaistion up straight. "We have not met-"

"She knows of your existence, she knows she wants you away from her son. _Far_ away." His loud words accompanied by the look in the king's eyes could not be misinterpreted. "Be careful, friend and lover of my son. I have taken you under my protection, but be on your guard at all times."

Hephaistion stared at the older man. Alexander's mother hated him, and he was talking to his father – was under his protection! It was bizarre. He had planned on remaining unseen here as much as possible, but he realised it was only logical he could not, being the lover of Alexander, the prince. Things were not like the old days. Someone he didn't even know hated him. It concerned him, for he didn't like things to be out of his control. Yet, it was good to know this, perhaps Philip was not as bad a man as he had believed. "Thank you, my king. I appreciate your words greatly, and I will take heed."

The Macedonian king nodded, seemingly satisfied. "Good." Hephaistion thought the other man was getting up, instead he stretched out his legs. "But there is more I need to discuss with you. Of no less importance."


	3. chapter 3

To Gabo0: Hey Gab, my ever faithful reviewer, glad my story has gotten your interest again! Here's the next update, soon enough I hope. ;)

To Annie: Thanks for the review, I like to be original! It can be pretty hard though…

To Lorenna: Of course there'll be more! Did you see a 'the end'? ;) I'm glad you're enjoying this!

To lvingphai: I'm afraid you'll have to wait a bit longer to see what Philip has to say… Hehe. I feel so mean. (and I'm glad you're not missing Bagoas – I can't say I am either! :P)

To Tionsbabe: Thanks thanks thanks, it's good to know someone actually has a favourite line! laughs I hope you'll like chapter three…

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Alexander knocked politely on his mother's door before entering. "Mother? You called for me?" When he looked inside, he saw Olympias lounging on her bed, smiling at him in that typical way of hers, her fingers playing with a curl of her dark hair. She was dressed in her usual style white dress – it was embroidered with red on the edges and left one shoulder bare. A variety of snakes curled around her bare legs.

"Yes, Alexander, I wished to speak with you. I'm glad you found time so soon." She gently patted on the space next to her, her eyes never wavering from his face and the smile still present on her lips.

Alexander knew that look. It was the way she would look at her father when she was thinking of a way to oppose him, when her mind seemed to be working at top speed. Never before had it been directed at him, never before had he known just how disturbing it could be. Why was she doing this to him? She was his mother, she loved him. What was wrong?

He cautiously approached the bed, trying not to let her show that his heart was hammering in his chest. He resolutely sat down, reached for one of the snakes and pulled it on his lap. When he looked up again, he saw that his mother's face had broken into a wide, sincere smile and she laughed softly. "Ah, my Alexander. You have not changed as much as I feared."

Alexander smiled back at her, relieved, but there was a sharp edge to his voice. "I have changed, mother. You would not have me return to you the thirteen year old I was, would you?"

"Ah no, of course not," she shushed. Her hand joined his in stroking the snake he was holding, then she changed the direction of the motion and stroked his hand. Alexander looked up at her as her hand travelled higher, over his arm, and felt at the muscles that had grown there in the past years. Alexander suppressed a shudder.

"Of course not," she repeated. "I'm sure you've grown a lot in all aspects, though your time would have been more usefully spent under my supervision." The smile had faded from her face, and her light blue eyes settled on his once more. "Am I not right, Alexander?"

Alexander's eyes switched back and forth between hers. "If you say so, mother," he answered with a slight frown.

Olympias' lips formed a pout of disapproval. "You have always known I want nothing but the best for you, Alexander, my son. You know that my love for you is greater than anyone else's."

His eyes widened in surprise. That he would hear the same words from someone else's lips within a week! It seemed too unlikely to be a coincidence. Her hard stare seemed to pierce right into his soul, her knowing smile, a moment later, made him short of breath. No! She could not possibly know Hephaistion had said those words as a joke only days ago.

When he answered her unspoken question, he couldn't help but notice how desperate his voice sounded. "Mother… you have always been in my heart. I know you wish the best for me. I've been away for many years, but my trust in you has never faltered."

"Ah, my Alexander…" Olympias reached for his hand once more, moved it to her lips and gently kissed it, her eyes changing to pools of compassion. "You have such a good heart. You will not like what I am going to tell you, but trust me that I am right, as I have always been."

Alexander tilted his head and looked down on her warily. He knew that tone of voice, he knew the terrifying loneliness that would haunt him after she had spoken. It had been the rhythm of his childhood. But, he thought helplessly, _he _was like that no longer. Mother, _don't_…

"Do you remember that when you were little, other children wanted to be your friend because you were a prince?"

Alexander closed his eyes and bit his lip. "So you told me."

Olympias sighed, and reached out to tuck a blond curl behind his ear. "Please believe me when I say it is for the best to not put your trust in him like you do."

Alexander flinched away from her anxiously. "How can you judge that? You don't even know him! Hephaistion loves me for who I am…"

Olympias gazed at him, a worried but understanding frown on her face. "I know you believe that, Alexander. But you must keep your goal in mind. One day you will be king, and you won't need him."

"But I will." Alexander's voice was soft and pained. "I need him more than anything." Oh, what his mother did to him! Why did he change to a whining child when around her? Why did he _feel_ like a whining child around her? He loved Hephaistion, and his mother would not tear them apart…

"You are in love. Everything seems different when you are. You cannot trust your own judgement in this case, Alexander… Later you will see that I am right. Leave Hephaistion alone, it is for the best."

Alexander stared at her, and swallowed away the lump in his throat. "A king needs others, people he trusts. Do you propose I rule the world on my own, mother?"

Her friendly mask faltered. "I propose you not let yourself rule by a lover. The battle over your own heart is the first battle you have to win."

The young man's thoughts spun and he turned away from her penetrating gaze. Was she right? He always trusted her but… He finally met his mother's faint blue eyes again, a pleading look on his face. "Get to know him, please, give him a chance. You will see Hephaistion is worthy of your trust. He is an amazing person, mother. You will come to understand." After a short hesitation, Alexander leaned forward and kissed her cheek, then jumped up, the forgotten snake that had rested on his lap only just caught by his quick hands. His cheeks burned. He carefully laid the pet back on the bed without looking at his mother, and left the room.

Olympias' face was dark.


	4. chapter 4

To l-vingphai: Okay, I'll stop being mean. :P Though I really do think this chapter has it's own meanness… (but is my Olympias really that unique? I thought this is pretty much what she is like in the movie… am I wrong?) Anyway, thanks!

To Gabo0: I'm really glad you like this story as well!

To Lorenna: Ah, what to say to that? It's music to my ears… ;)

To Warrior-princess1980: Hey Amy, you're very welcome, you know I enjoyed helping. And thanks for the compliment!

To Kate: I'm glad you think my portrayal of Alexander's parents interesting. They are harder to write then just Alexander and Hephaistion…

To pynoi: It's wonderful you like it so much, thanks! As for the Philip/Hephaistion… go on and read. :)

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"Alexander needs someone by his side, someone strong and smart, to make sure he stays on the right path," the king spoke, his serious gaze still resting on Hephaistion. "For all his ambition, the boy tends to have little common sense. Now, this person would be Olympias, if it was up to her, but it may also be you, if you have truly taken a place in his heart and are willing to fight for it."

The older man waited a moment, as if he was expecting Hephaistion to counter this, but as he remained quiet Philip continued: "If you wish to remain with Alexander, realise she won't make it easy for you. But if you succeed, you must take the responsibilities coming with involved with it – you cannot only be his friend and lover, but you must also be his general and his confidant in anything he will have to do once he holds power. Can you be that for him? Do you have the wisdom and strength for that?"

Hephaistion was quiet. What answer was Philip expecting but yes? Even when he knew way too little about warfare and the keeping of an empire? He had learned a lot from Aristotle, yet that not that sort of thing… But the king had just stated it was either him or Olympias, and seemed to be on his side – yet the honest answer would be no. Where was this question leading them? "With all my heart I would do it, if that task would indeed be mine."

Philip gave a short laugh. "You are smarter than I expected, Hephaistion. Which is good, since I have an offer for you."

Hephaistion's whole attention turned on the king's one eye.

"I will teach you all you need to know, and I will help you in breaking Olympias' spell on Alexander. You will be under my personal protection."

Hephaistion opened his mouth but did not speak. This was all going too fast. Why would Philip propose such a thing? The king wanted to have Alexander to himself again… and use him for it. If it were so, let him admit it. "And what do you ask in return for all of that, my king?"

"That you be my _eromenos_."

Hephaistion held his breath in surprise. This couldn't be. The man couldn't be serious! "What?! You cannot ask that of me, I am Alexander's!"

"Yet Alexander is his mother's. It is your choice, Hephaistion."

This was ridiculous. This man had seven wives and numerous lovers! Hephaistion tried his best to control his voice, but he was beyond caring if he was going to far by speaking his mind freely. "Why? Is this a game to you, _my king_? If all you have just told me is true, then you'll benefit as much from what you will learn me as I will. Alexander is your only heir, and you need me to get a hold on him!"

Philip laughed. "Life _is_ a game, young Hephaistion, even if you cannot see it. You have to play the cards well and then you will win. If Alexander will remain Olympias' toy, there's nothing that will stop me from having another son that will truly be _mine_. Alexander is not my last option. I however, am _your_ last option."

Philip's voice softened, but he kept his eye intently fixed on Hephaistion's face. "Alexander's heart is young and wild, he may promise you his undying love, but you will lose him one day. To the wife he will take, to other lovers that are sure to come, and above all to the unexplored land that will call to him every day: conquer me, conquer me! Alexander has been spoiled into a fool living on ambition from the day he was born! Stand by him in wisdom, and a part of him will remain yours. Be only his childhood lover – and you will lose everything. You know it."

Hephaistion's heart had sunk during the king's little speech, for not only did the words make sense, his own thoughts had travelled that way before. Alexander never let him talk about such things, and to hear them now from his father… He clenched his hands. The world had never been as beautiful and perfect as Alexander would have him believe. But that didn't give Alexander's father any right to ask this! But this was not just Alexander's father, it was also his king…

As Hephaistion opened his mouth to retort, Philip raised a hand to prevent him from speaking. "You are angry and confused, and you have the right to be. I will say you this: as it is custom for a _eromenos _to share his mentor's bed, so it is also custom to wait with that until both people involved know each other better. I will give you time – I will teach you, and perhaps one day, when you think that you indeed owe me something, you will share my bed. You do not have to decide now."

Did Philip think he would say no then, should he decide now? _Could_ one refuse a king? What risks would be involved? Hephaistion didn't know, but no fear would get him to betray Alexander. He calmed himself, anger and confusion trying to overwhelm him, but his common sense, as always, still present. "You forget one thing, my king. How would you keep this a secret to Alexander?"

The king snorted. "Come to me in the early hours of the morning, when he is asleep. You sleep in your own bed, do you not?"

"That does not seem any of your business, my king." If the man wanted honesty, he could get it. Hephaistion stood up and walked away without looking back, all he wanted was to get away from this man who was trying to throw his life upside down. He would not do this without Alexander knowing. Which would mean he would not do it at all.

Yet, the words had eaten their way into the young man's heart.


	5. chapter 5

To Annie: Thanks for your kind words, and still glad we sorted it all out. :) To everyone: No, I'm not thirteen. lol!

To lvingphai: Thanks! Just see what Alexander has to say this chap…

hephychick: Thank you sooooo much! I was actually a bit doubtful about it all, but you've convinced me that this story really is believable. And it's great I actually got you to have such a reaction, lol. Thanks again!

GaBo0: Yes, where did you get the idea;) Here's the next chap, enjoy! It's my own fav so far.

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The door opened, and after a short silence a hesitant voice asked: "Alexander?"

"Where have you been for so long?" With a smirk, the blond prince jumped from behind the door right in front of his friend.

Hephaistion stood motionless for a moment, then his bright eyes widened, and he slammed the door shut with an agitated expression on his face. "You're naked! Have you gone insane!"

Alexander frowned. What kind of a reaction was that, when your lover had waited so faithfully for you? "No, I was waiting for you. And for a rather long time, I might add."

"What if someone else had walked in! Alexander-"

"He would've had a bigger problem than me, dearest," Alexander spoke, a playful smile on his lips. Hephaistion was being stressed again – the best remedy was to just ignore it.

But in response, Hephaistion gave him a hard stare, blue eyes turned to dark and angry. Alexander carefully leaned forward and placed a kiss on his friend's stern lips. "What's wrong?"

Hephaistion turned his head away and sighed deeply, then finally gave up his irritated attitude and wrapped his arms around his younger friend's naked form. "Sorry, I'm… feeling a little strange today." Another sigh left his lips. "How was your mother?" he enquired softly.

"Fine. Phai, you think too much. Just let it go." Alexander leaned back to look in the other's eyes, then gently kissed him again. If there was anything he did not want to discuss, it was his mother. In fact, he didn't want to discuss anything. "Come." He pulled his reluctant friend along to the bed, ignoring the other's stiff movements, and kissing him again.

Hephaistion didn't respond to it, yet let himself be pulled down. Alexander settled on top of him, and then found two firm hands settling on his shoulders, two worried eyes looking up at him. "Alexander, it won't always be like this. The future will change things. You will have to take a wife…"

A twinge of fear struck Alexander's heart. "Phai!" he hissed, annoyed, "why are you so intent in spoiling our happy moments? Yes, one day I'll take a wife and you'll marry her sister, and we'll let our children play together. All will be well."

"That is an idyllic future you see in your mind's eye, Alexander." Hephaistion's voice remained soft, his eyes still full of sorrow.

Alexander looked dark. "Yes I do, if you are intent on thinking of the worst possibilities, I see it as my task to see the best. Idyllic it will be, or not, but there's no use in worrying about it now."

"Have you given up your plans of conquering the world and being a hero? No hero has such a future."

Alexander sat abruptly sat back, his eyes blazing with frustration. "And no hero's friend will ever have such a future if all he can do is worry! Hephaistion, I'm serious!"

When seeing Hephaistion's hurt eyes, he softened his gaze, and leaned forward to lean his forehead on his friend's. "Phai, what we share cannot be captured in words. You and I will have to go through a lot in our future. I will be king, with all responsibilities, and sometimes that will go against what we would have chosen otherwise. But we can face that. We'll have to do things we don't want to, for the good of our mission and visions, but we are above that. We belong together, and nothing can separate us." He tried to hide his slight trembling.

He felt a choked sob in the body beneath him, and leaned back worriedly. He had thought the other would smile at him, laugh at him even, for such serious words. This was not like Hephaistion. The other was always the strong one, the older one, the wiser one. The one who seemed to be in charge of every situation, ready to think it through and come to the right decision, yet always ready to look at the world with a smile and a wink. The one who would take him in his arms and make him forget everything else. He had not lied to his mother, Hephaistion was amazing in every way he could think of. But since they had returned…

How could he explain to Hephaistion that he could not hear his friend speak of all these doubts, because it made the fear that was waiting right outside his heart jump up in anticipation, ready to overwhelm him? To suddenly make his sure future so unsure? It was worse enough having these uncertainties in his own heart, but to have to hear them from his only one… He just wanted the world to go away again. Sometimes he hated his own ambitions, but he could not set them aside. They tore just as hard on his heart as Hephaistion did. Alexander kissed away the tears that left the watery blue eyes staring up at him. "Phai…"

"I love you."

Just as Alexander was about to state the same, Hephaistion's hand appeared from inside his pocket. Holding a phial. "Please, Alexander."

The prince held his breath in surprise, then let it slip in away slowly. "But… why? I thought…"

"No future is as idyllic as the one we planned, Alexander. Take it from me, if you don't wish to hear about it. So fine, let's do what is the best for our mission and keep loving each other."

Alexander felt a pang of guilt at the bitterness in the other's voice. "I'm sorry, Phai-"

"It's fine," the other cut him off, then wiped his tears away with a sigh. "Make love to me, Alexander."

Alexander bit his lip. "Alright."


	6. chapter 6

To hephychick: Thanks once more for your more than wonderful review! You truly are too kind. ;) As for the 'S'-word, what word is that supposed to be? LOL it must be me, but I don't get it. Anyway, you're probably thinking the right thing. :P

To Annie: It's good to hear that there are so much emotions evoked by this story, lol. I guess this Alexander really is quite a bit like the movie-Alexander, and of course my view on him was influenced by the movie, but it really is just my own anxious little Alexander. I love him like that. :) Though maybe the movie influenced him more than I would think, because I based this Alexander on my 'a snake's advice'-Alexander and that one _was _pretty much based on the movie. Hmmmm, right. Anyway, thanks for the detailed review, love those so much!

To chris: Thank you! Hephaistion being such an ideal person, hm? You're right… or are you? Well pretty much, anyway. Guess you can see who I like most;) As for Philip's feelings for Hephaistion, I'll get back to you about that later. I must say you are very perceptive though… And yes, Hephaistion does deserve to be treated better by the others, I get frustrated about their hate towards him all the time as well.

To Rothalion: Thanks, I'm glad you like it. It's really a scenario that drifts in your head when looking at Heph's pretty face, hm;)

To Gabo0: I'm glad you liked the chap, as I said it is my own fav so far as well. ;) Hephaistion asked Alexander to truly sleep with him for the first time, so in the phial was oil to… make it easier. Do I need to be more explicit, or is the message clear:P

To all: I wrote the first bit of this chap when I was in an uninspired mood, but when I looked at it later I decided to just keep it, and write another scene to go with it because it would be too short otherwise… and then I realised there was yet more I wanted to put in. So, here is my first chapter ever with more then one scene, lol. Enjoy!

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The corridors were empty, cold and dark. As cold, empty and dark as he felt inside. If only his physical form could blend in with the surroundings as easily as his mood. Oh, the cold in his heart… He rushed on, his bare fleet slipping silently over the chilly floor, his sandals in his hand.

Hephaistion had dreamed, he was not sure of what, but when he had woken up he was close to panicking. Alexander's sleeping form had soothed him, the peaceful breathing of his beloved quieting his nerves. He had lain awake for a long time. There was so much to remember, so much to think about… Perhaps Alexander was right, and he really should stop worrying. But how could he, when everything seemed so confusing and unsure, and his friend would not even listen to him? Everything had gotten so complicated.

That's when he had made up his mind. He did not want to bother Alexander. The other had been right, there was no need to worry him with this. Alexander had made it clear the mission went above all, for their love would carry them through anything. Where others had the worst trouble staying faithful, they would ever have the most trouble being unfaithful. But for the good of the glory of the future, if it needed to be done, he would do it.

So he had kissed Alexander, careful not to wake him up, and here he was, alone and cold when he could've spent the whole night next to his friend's warm body. His lover. Truly his lover now. A shiver passed down his spine. Gods, he wanted to go back.

He quietly entered his own room, ignoring the shadows, throwing his sandals down and walking to the dark shape of the closet. It was right he was doing this without telling Alexander. It was. He should not worry about it. It would not help him. His mind was made up. Stop thinking. He pulled out a clean chiton and wondered how Alexander's father would react. Stop thinking.

-

"Phai?" Alexander turned in his bed and glanced around the room, the very first light of dawn turning the room into shades of gray and faint colours. "Phai? Are you there?"

In response, a wave of fresh air drifted his way and he pulled his blanket up higher with a shiver. Why was Hephaistion not here? His friend was always there when he woke. He felt his heart skip a beat in sudden worry, sat up and peered around the room again. No sandals. No chiton, where it had lain after it was thrown aside last night. Nothing to prove Hephaistion had even been here. Nothing to prove that they had… His eyes turned to his nightstand. Ah, yes. The other had been here alright. A shudder of joy passed through him and his lips turned to a smile.

He slipped of his bed and quickly got dressed. He usually wouldn't get up this early, but he would not sleep without knowing exactly where Hephaistion was – and why he was _not_ here. Had he not known Hephaistion better, he might have thought that the other regretted what they had done, but he tossed the thought away quickly. Probably, his friend was worrying again… But truly, why could he not just do that in bed, instead of startling him so?

He rushed to Hephaistion's room. Alexander didn't knock, afraid to wake him up had he indeed gone to his own bed. Or perhaps he had even locked the door – no, he hadn't. Nor was the room's owner in there. The sheets looked unrumpled and clean, and with a sigh Alexander realised the other had not visited his room this morning.

Fine, so what did one do then? He went out into the still chilly morning air and checked the stables - all horses were still there, including Bucephalus - and the gardens, then turned back inside and checked his own room and then Hephaistion's again. This was not funny. He would be sure to tell his friend that when he would show up again.

-

"I just don't think I should be seen slipping out of your bedroom in the morning." Hephaistion looked at his friend apologetically.

Alexander's eyes widened. "Why? It's our choice to sleep together, isn't it? I don't mind people knowing."

When Hephaistion looked at his friend's honestly anxious face, he had to keep himself back to not blurt out the truth. How come it was so hard to lie to Alexander? It had all seemed so much easier when practising this conversation in his head. "Neither do I, Alexander, I would never. But…"

His friend frowned worriedly. "But what? Hephaistion, what are you not telling me?"

Hephaistion swallowed. "As you might know your mother has no particular liking to me. I see no reason to anger her further by letting her know I sleep in your bed all night…"

"What! Hephaistion where did you get that from?" Alexander's brown eyes had widened even further.

"Rumours around the court." Hephaistion was sure their would be such rumours. It was not such a bad lie, was it? "Would you deny it then?" Even Alexander could not be that ignorant. Or would Alexander lie to him? Or… had Philip lied to him? How could he trust Alexander's father over his lover himself, when he had no reason to? But Alexander could be so…

"Phai… It's not necessary, really. She would not hurt not you." Alexander's face held a pained expression that nearly made Hephaistion cringe, but his voice sounded as if he had to convince himself.

So there truly was danger. Hephaistion knew he had won this argument because of it, but it was hardly reassuring. He was not even sure he had wanted to win. But now he had to push through. "I always wake sometime near morning anyway, so I'll just take the chance to slip to my own room and sleep the last few hours there. It is for the best, I believe, Alexander."

Hephaistion finally let his own sorrow show on his face, now that he truly had a solid reason to be worried about the other's feelings but there was no chance he would loose the argument anymore. He stepped forward and pulled the smaller boy into his arms.

Alexander hugged him back and rested his head on Hephaistion's chest. "Alright, if you say so," he replied flatly.

Hephaistion closed his eyes in frustration. The words to soothe Alexander got stuck in his throat. They seemed such lies… He had lied to his friend already, and he would not do it again if he didn't have to. But what were the chances of him not having to do it again? He should just give this all up. But he had one more reason for continuing this now. He would have to tell Alexander the truth… With a sudden feeling of panic he realised that he was not sure he could, and held Alexander tightly.


	7. chapter 7

To Valo: Yes, you're faithful as well lol. I'm glad the story lives up to your expectations, hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well!

To Grungestar: I appreciate you it that you've taken a look at my story, thank you for the comments! I'm always trying to improve my English. However, I'm a very stubborn girl so I must ask…  
where did you get that - should be, where did you hear that.  
What if you silently add the word 'idea'? He does not know Hephaistion has actually heard it, he might also just have caught Olympias' eyes sometime. He wonders where Hephaistion's idea of danger from his mother comes from.  
Same with, Hephaistion to me, wouldn't show shame in people knowing, especially Alex's mother, about them sleeping together.  
So? Does Hephaistion feel shame about Alex' mother knowing in the last chap? Not a hair on his head… ;) It's just Alexander's frightened conclusion.  
Lain - i haven't heard that word before.  
Not? It's a form of to lie. Like, to lie – lay – lain. :)

To Annie: Well thank you, it was a whole experience! lol. I'm glad it didn't sadden you. ;) Yes, poor Hephaistion… I think the situation develops just a little too quick for his taste, even if _you_'d like to see it. :P But I'm not going into Philip's insights in all this just yet, I'm afraid. Perhaps the next chapter, I'll have to think about it. Otherwise later. And about the faithful Alexander-childlike indignity-line: isn't he cute? lol.

To mamanchat: Breathe girl, deep breaths!;)

To all: There are some flashes of memory in this chap, that are fromanother story that I tried to write but wouldn't work out. I thought it would be interesting to show you some of Alexander's and Hephaistion's past together though, so I put them in here. is not really cooperating though...)

-

"Hephaistion!"

The young man was startled back to the outside world and looked up in a dark eye. He hastily sucked in another breath then let his eyes return to the map spread out in front of him on the table. Hephaistion could just hit himself for drifting off. Where he had been strangely alert and aware in the beginning of this week, with his first 'lesson', on this sixth morning of getting up after a few hours sleep he had not been able to keep his eyes open. Alexander kept him up too late, his father required his presence too early. What was he to do, sleep during the day?

But he couldn't really blame Alexander for keeping him up… He unconsciously sucked his lip when thinking about how he had done everything to prove his best friend - or just himself? – that he loved Alexander with a passion that was unique. A small smile crept on his lips. He recalled the blond boy in utter ecstasy beneath him, a passive role the other had picked up without trouble. Alexander his friend, Alexander his younger lover, yet never Alexander the prince.

In a startling motion, the map was pulled away from under his eyes. "This was enough for today."

Hephaistion looked up again, and to his surprise there was a smile on the king's lips. After six days of being barked at, of disapproving stares after all the wrong answers, Philip was actually smiling at him.

The younger man sighed with relief, not sure what to do with himself when he could not even pay attention to something as important as this.

"So tell me, how did you manage to do it?"

Hephaistion stared at the king's bearded face blankly. What had he missed now? "I'm sorry… what?"

Philip sat down on the other side of the table, obviously amused. "To win Alexander's friendship. To win his heart."

The blue-eyed man kept staring as his brain tried to work out the question. How he had won Alexander's heart…? He nearly snorted, but held himself back.

"Was it love at first sight?" Philip urged.

Why was the king laughing at him? What was so funny? "Hardly."

-

"_I hate you."_

_Hephaistion looked up and smiled. "Thank you, I don't like you either. Now if you'll excuse me, my prince?"_

-

Philip gazed at him expectantly, and Hephaistion shrugged. Why was the man bothered? "We didn't get along very well."

"He pushed you away, but you kept trying to seduce him?"

Hephaistion raised an eyebrow in surprise. Honestly, what _was _this man getting into his head? "That's one way of putting it."

-

"_You may be the son of a king, Alexander, but that doesn't mean /you/ are fit to be king. I understand why your father sent you here, since you absolutely have no talent for writing and learning. Aristotle must have been his last hope. And your fighting skills lack greatly, and…"_

-

He had realised that if he couldn't get Alexander to like him, he might as well get the other to hate him – then at least he would have _some _place in the blond boy's heart. Those had been painful times for both of them, yet it amused him to think back on how sweetly irritated Alexander had been-

"So how did you do it?"

The young man looked up and smiled, suddenly seeing how this would be a funny conversation. "I got him to try to kill me. When I passed out he decided that perhaps that was not what he wanted."

Philip was quiet for a moment and eyed him, then stood up abruptly, walked around the table, and towered over the younger man. His voice started out soft. "I see you courage has not left you, Hephaistion. I forgave you the other day for your bold words, but I warn you that I will not tolerate you lying at me!"

Hephaistion swallowed with sudden nerves when a hand settled under his chin and forced him to look up. The king's one eye flared dangerously.

"I am doing this for you. Don't forget!"

"No-"

His words were swallowed as lips covered his.

Hephaistion's eyes grew large. He had to call upon all his self-restraint to not flinch away, away from that mouth on his and the hand that held him in place. By the time a tongue forced itself past his lips the young man was shaking. Please no. This was horrifying, it was disgusting! Zeus, let him stop!

For once, the gods listened. Philip drew back, panting slightly, and wiped his mouth as Hephaistion recoiled quickly.

"You can go." The words were again spoken softly.

A outburst of silent thanks formed in the young man's mind. He needed to get away! Still trembling, he got himself together and left with as much dignity as he could muster.

No, he realised once he was inside his own room once more, he had made the wrong decision after all. He could not do this, he simply couldn't. Not betray Alexander, not let Philip touch him… But how to back out?


	8. chapter 8

To lvingphai: The chapter about Philip is on the way… only because you and Annie asked for it! But it is actually rather interesting and does add something to the story. Be patient just a little longer, I'll post it soon. But what are you saying about Alexander killing Hephaistion? That would be rather sad… lol. I doubt he will really kill his lover though. Perhaps he will just play a little…

To secret08: I'm glad you like it, and here's the next update already. :)

To Mamanchat: Who cares about constructive reviews lol, as long as you're affected by my story I'm happy. I hope it won't become too much for you! There'll be some heavy chapters in the future… ;)

To annakas: Happy conclusion… Oh yes, I'd almost forget, there has to be a happy conclusion, if these Alex and Phai are ever going to be the same as the ones in 'A snake's advice'… Have to keep that in mind… No seriously, I'm sure he'll find himself a way out of this… somehow…

To hephychick: You know, just your amusing reviews would be enough for me to keep writing this story, LOL. Slow moment… indeed. ;) I'm glad you think I did okay with the flashbacks, I was a little worried about that, but I just knew I wanted them in there. In this chap there'll be another one that I just couldn't leave out. I love little arrogant Hephaistion…

To Siobhan: Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying the story, even though Philip should really learn to behave… lol.

To Annie: It's a hard situation, but we'll just have to have faith in Hephaistion's ability to get himself out of this. I think he'll soon be forced to undertake some action… I really hope I'll be able to keep updating this quick, I'll do my best! I'm glad my hard work is appreciated. ;) Oh and btw, darling Alexander is the main character in this chap again… Hehe, enjoy.

-

Did Hephaistion think him a fool? Did the other truly think he wouldn't notice anything? Alexander had woken up just a few minutes ago, alone in his bed once more, and had suddenly realised he could leave this no longer. The longer he thought about it, the more he realised something was wrong. He had this strange feeling Hephaistion had been lying to him… So now he was hurrying towards his friend's room for the second time this week, memories echoing back and forth in his mind.

The first alarm bell in his head had gone off when the other had tried to convince him he needed to leave his room for the last hours of the night. How was it possible Hephaistion had sounded _exactly _like his mother on that moment? "_It is for the best, I believe, Alexander." _Why did the people he loved and trusted always speak to him like that? His mother just thought him still a child, but Hephaistion? Hephaistion had, ever since they had finally become friends, always treated him like an equal.

Hephaistion had remembered him of that occasion only yesterday afternoon, in one of those melancholic moods the other had all the time. First, his friend would make love to him so intensely it was nearly scary, then he would smile, but there really was no happiness in his eyes, and then he would start about something – like when they had become friends. It was not a memory that he particularly liked to think back on, yet vivid images and all the emotions involved hit him every time he was reminded of it.

-

_Blue eyes sparkled wildly above the other's challenging grin._

_Alexander clenched his jaw, then without thinking hit the older boy with his fist as hard as he could. Hephaistion was unprepared, caught the blow full upon his face and stumbled backwards. _

_The young prince felt like cheering. His hand hurt but it was worth it. Finally he had taught this arrogant boy a lesson, as he had promised himself so often lately! Hephaistion deserved this for all the times he had bullied him, ridiculed him, criticized him on everything he did. Finally- _

_His thought was interrupted as the other, who had stumbled backwards with one hand over his nose, tripped over a loose stone and released a short cry. Too late to catch himself he tumbled down, his head hitting the solid rock behind him._

"_Hephaistion," Alexander breathed after standing motionless for a moment, watching the other's limp body. His insides turned to ice. This couldn't be…_

_He rushed forwards and knelt down, his panic increasing when he saw the blood that mingled with the dirt. "Hephaistion!"_

-

He had sat by Hephaistion's bed the whole following night, anxiously awake, and when the other had finally woken up he had cried like a baby. Hephaistion had soothed him and told him it was alright… and kissed him.

But why had Hephaistion brought that up, as if they had to hold that memory close, when there was so much more good in the future than the past? Surely the other believed they had a long way to go yet, surely Hephaistion was _not _expecting to have to leave him… What else, what else could it be?

He threw the door open, it smacked against the inner wall with a thud. The room was empty. No sleeping Hephaistion. He had been lying. Lying. Lying. Alexander swallowed as a little voice in the back of his head whispered: _"Please believe me when I say it is for the best to not put your trust in him like you do."_

It could be that… No, Hephaistion was certainly not sleeping with anyone else, it was impossible. It was something Alexander refused to even seriously consider. There was another explanation for this strange behaviour… Perhaps he was just… elsewhere… thinking… He scowled. By the gods, it had been enough!

Angrily, Alexander turned around and left. Hephaistion would have to feel what it was like to have someone lie to you.


	9. chapter 9

To annakas: Happiness and fluff? Go read 'The world gone mad'… lol. Oh wait, you have. :) Well, hold on to that happiness and fluff, and keep in mind those are the same Phai and Alex, and that all will be well. And so the angst in this story continues…

To CNitroJunkie: Thanks, it's good to hear that there are more people reading this story! I'm really glad you like it!

To Siobhan: Ahh, I keep forgetting you can't know which way this is heading… yet. Hehe.

To Annie: Don't worry dear, I adore long reviews. Yours must've been the longest so far! ;) So, here's the Philip chapter on request, and as I said I do think it adds something… even if I am feeling really sorry for a certain person now. This must be the meanest chapter so far. :'(  
Oh my… I truly hope I can write this story like I had it in mind and keep it believable, lol. I think it should work out though. Yeah, it should work out.  
I've just picked up 'The Persian boy' from the library today, I am really curious what it will be like. All kinds of people have been telling me to read it though, so I guess I'll like it. Here I come, Bagoas!  
PS: I like this flashback-technique a lot, btw. You're processing it very well.  
That's wonderful, thank you! This were enough flashbacks for now though, let's focus on the present. There is enough to worry about I'd say… ;)  
Post-PPS: Appreciated? Your work is definitely most appreciated, dear!  
Great, great! Enjoy the new chap:))

To Gemini Gypsy: He is creepy, truly, give Phai an extra hug…

To alll: I am usually two chapters ahead of what I'm posting with writing, but I have to admit that this is the last chapter I have here for now… I've been focusing on 'The world gone mad' the past days, I just needed to get out of the angsty stuff for a bit and write something amusing. So perhaps it'll take me a few days to update this time, forgive me. :)

-

Despite the fire and several candles placed around the room, a shiver passed down Philip's back. With a sigh, he put down the letter he had been reading. Aristotle was indeed very fond of the young man that was his son's best friend, and had confirmed the two were inseparable and without doubt meant for a great future together. Not that he particularly cared about Aristotle's opinion on this matter. Sure, he could be right… if he would let them, that was.

Closing his eyes and leaning back against the pillows, he remembered the soft feeling of Hephaistion's lips against his, so sweet and youthful… He was not one to hold back on what he wanted. He would not let his own son stop him from what he wanted. If only he could ignore the memory of those amazingly blue, shocked eyes. He would have to be patient… He could do that. He'd waited his whole life to have someone like that in his bed. The boy was… ahh, he was just Hephaistion… perfect. Beautiful and alluring, clever and brave. He understood his son, understood him all too well. Philip reached for the goblet on his nightstand, sipped on his wine, then gulped down all of it at once.

A knock on his door made him look up, and he wiped his mouth and threw the goblet on the floor. Whatever. "Come in, Pausanias."

A tall young man entered, smiled in greeting and closed the door behind him. "Good evening, my king." He was wearing a beautifully embroidered chiton, his dark hair was securely combed back.

Philip just stared, his thoughts travelling elsewhere. Softness…He swallowed and tasted the strong wine on his lips, knew he needed more. With a motion of his hand he alerted his young lover to the empty goblet lying on the floor, and obediently Pausanias went to get it, refilled it - agonisingly slow , and handed it over him. Philip emptied it with long gulps, then motioned for another refill. He had tasted, and wanted more. Would have it, if he wished. Out of free will… who would truly want Alexander… yes, he should wait.

When the young man standing next to his bed seemed to hesitate, Philip sent him a hard, warning glare. This Pausanias was smart enough and certainly pleasing, but should not be getting any ideas. He had been taking too much freedom lately, the king realised, he would have to do something about that soon.

Sighing heavily, he accepted the wine and drank half of it before offering the rest to the younger. After a short hesitation, Pausanias accepted and drank. Philip smiled. This was better. He groaned lazily as warm, blurry feelings began to spread through his mind and body, and then the other began kissing him…

Philip let him for a moment, then pushed him backwards, and looked at the young man's slightly parted lips, wet from wine and saliva, and the deep dark eyes that stared back at him with such devotion.

"Let me please you, my king… ease your troubles."

Philip breathed in deeply and let the air slip away lazily while his eyes darted through the room, then back to his lover. "I would give you the night off."

A light frown came over the other's face, and his dark gaze intensified. "My king, I thought… we had crossed the point of duty. Am I not here every night of my own free will? Do you not care for me… Philip? Let me be here for you."

"Ha!" Philip barked, and his lips formed half a smile before hauling the other onto the bed, giving him a hard kiss and undressing him quickly and without care. Yes, he would have his way. It was not _this_ man that would stop him. Certainly not. Agile hands reached out to remove his own clothing, but he slapped them away. "Get down," he growled.

He would have another task for Pausanias soon, after this was done… If he would still think it the right thing to do then… If this had not satisfied him… But he doubted it would.


	10. chapter 10

To annakas: I hope you read TWGM often enough, you might want to read it just one more time before going on to this chapter… This is the most angsty chap of all chapters ever written lol. Or will that be next chapter? Oh well…

To Bago0: 'Going to be a problem' is perhaps a bit underrated, hehe. And yes, Phai isreally cute. :) Too bad that's also the main problem we're talking about here. Being too cute is not good for your health...

To Valo: Read, and be amazed more. :)

To Rothalion: A compliment from the master, yay! Thank you. ;) The boiling water is underway…

To Siobhan: Yes, brains are good. He starts using them a little late though, if you ask me. ;)

To lvingphai: Well, your wish has come true. Not so sure you wanted this anymore when you're done with this chap though, I assure you…

To Mamanchat: Yes:))

To Julie: I'm so glad you do, thanks:)

To Annie: LOL very short, indeed!  
I'm getting a cold as well, perhaps even the flu or something. I was having a horrible headache last night. -( But for all you sweet reviewers and my own peace of mind I needed to write this chapter anyway. Consider yourself lucky. ;) Thanks for the compliments, I suggest you quickly go read the chap now, I won't hold you up any longer…

-

Hephaistion stood in front of the window in Alexander's room, hands clenched to fists. Alexander was impossible this day. Simply impossible, and there was not much more he could endure.

The younger boy sat on his bed, hunched over his copy of the Iliad, his face unmoving as his eyes swept over the page. He had let Hephaistion in but that was all – he had ignored the other's kisses, answered shortly to his questions, told him to get lost when Hephaistion had gotten irritated and demanded to know what was wrong. Now silence hung heavily in the room, both boys lost in their own worlds.

Worlds that at this moment seemed to drift on different sides of the great sea, Hephaistion thought. He was truly angry with Alexander for his strange behaviour, it was not like him, and Hephaistion knew that he should be trying to make amends but he simply couldn't. He would rather punch his friend for being so inconsiderate and downright stupid. The whole world seemed to be closing in on him and he needed Alexander now. Would his friend offer him a shoulder to lean on, he would confess everything, he knew he would, but Alexander thought of no one but himself.

Hephaistion abruptly spun around and headed for the door. Fine, he would just go, since he was obviously not welcome here. Alexander could drop dead.

Making his way out of the room, he nearly bumped into another man, and his eyes met two cool brown ones. "Oh… Alexander is inside," Hephaistion motioned while cursing the crack in his voice. This was not the moment to sound like you were about to burst into tears.

The dark-haired man gave him a cold smile. "I was sent for you."

"Oh?" Hephaistion felt his stomach clench.

"The king requires you presence."

Alexander would call him back. Had to. Tell him to stay here, and Hephaistion would tell the king he could go to Tartarus.

He needed to face Philip sooner or later, but first he needed to tell his lover, his best friend… Just in case he screwed everything up, and… He was not even sure what would happen then… But had to get out of this… Somehow… Speak, Alexander!

The other man raised an arrogant eyebrow as Hephaistion remained motionless, and it remained frightfully quiet in the room behind him. His soft curse was only to be read from his lips. Fine. Fine. He would do this by himself.

He dropped his eyes and pulled the door shut behind him, then followed the other young man with increasing uneasiness. Hephaistion had seen him before, knew that he was one of the young men close to the king, something like… Pausanias? Everything in the dark-haired's movements and words spoke of held back anger and irritation. He was obviously not happy to be doing this. Was he taking away time with the king that the man want for himself? Or was that a too naïve thought?

Hephaistion shook his head silently as they rounded the last corner and halted in front of the large wooden door, an unmoving guard on each side.

"Well, have fun."

Hephaistion glanced up at the other's face, and saw a hint of a very sarcastic smile. He prayed in his head to the gods as a strange sense of foreboding came over him. Perhaps he should talk to the king another time. If he had had a choice. But Pausanias had already knocked and opened the door without waiting for a response, and a hand settled on his shoulder and pushed him inside.

"Ah, there you are…" the king's rough voice welcomed him, and before Hephaistion was even sure of what was happening the door was bolted behind him.

"My king," he replied, keeping his voice as steady as possible. The other smelled of wine. The man was drunk. He backed away slowly. "I am glad you have called me here to talk about what happened yesterday morning, my king."

Philip stared at him and breathed heavily. "Talk. Talk another time…" A slow smile spread over his face as he moved closer, swifter than Hephaistion had expected. With a rush of panic he ducked aside, but his wrist was caught and the wall was close.

No. Oh gods, no.

"You don't understand! I can't…" It was no use talking, he realised when the older man did not let go of his wrist, instead pulled him closer. Why had he come here? _Why_ didn't he see this coming? Why why _why_? Breath smelling of alcohol ghosted over his lips and he quickly turned his head away, trying to get… away…

Pausanias' grin flashed by in his mind, the knowing eyes, and he had just stood there, like he was standing here now, unsure of how he would ever survive this. He tried to squirm out of the other's grip, using his free hand to push Philip away, and the next moment his ears rang and his cheek seemed to explode with pain at the force of the man's punch in his face. A wild gasp, then he was kissed deeply. Hephaistion gagged and had the strong urge to bite down, but a hand wrapped itself securely around his jaw as he was pinned against the wall. The older man was surprisingly strong, even in his drunken state.

He had to somehow… get out… there was still a chance, there had to be! A hand groped under his chiton as the mouth left his, sucking in fresh air. "No!" he gasped, and again he tried to break free, but his head was slammed back against the wall with such force that he could only whimper as the other took advantage of him.

Zeus, he prayed, don't leave me this time. It's all my fault, but let it stop… Alexander… Anyone…

In horror he noticed the tears streaming down his face. He was actually crying! No, he had to stay calm, use his brain. The other man was drunk, he only had to wait for the right opportunity, when his attention would fail…

He stopped resisting. Philip's approval was clear, and he laughed and whispered incomprehensible words in his ear. Hephaistion took deep breaths, trying to not feel, trying to not to fight as the man's hands slid over his body. Just think of Alexander. No! Alexander… How to ever… make things the way they were… How to ever… make this go away… Alexander… A gasp that was more of a sob left his mouth.

He was suddenly pulled forward, then Philip leaded him in the direction of the bed with force and bruising fingers. He nearly stumbled, his clothes were completely torn from him, and Hephaistion just breathed, waited while the man forced his body… There was still a chance. Sprawled on the pillows, large man hovering over him, weight settling on his… stomach… chest… Had to hold on, was not the end… Could not be.

He did not notice the noises in the corridor and the banging on the door until Philip's head shot up and some of the weight lifted. But when he did, he acted quickly. Without any further thought, Hephaistion's knee found its way to his king's most private parts with all his saved up strength.


	11. chapter 11

Since I am really tired, I'll go for a general response this time: Yes, kneeing Philip in the groin is about the best thing Hephaistion has done so far in this fic (yay!), yes, that cliff hanger was evil, sorry for disturbing your sleep (hehe) and causing such obsession (writing fanfiction on fanfiction? that is something new to me lol), and now quickly on to the next chapter so that you can finally breathe… Oh and thanks for all your quick an enthusiastic reviews! Makes the writing go twice as fast... :)

-

A hurried knock disturbed the quiet room.

"Who is there?"

"Pausanias, my lady. I have… important information."

Raising her eyebrows, Olympias rose and walked to the door with silent paces, unlatching the hatches and peering through the opening. "Oh?"

"My lady…" The heavily breathing man bowed his head. "The king is enjoying the company of your son's lover, in his bedchambers."

"Now?"

"Yes, my lady. And… he has been visiting the king's quarters for a whole week."

Olympias was silent for a moment, and Pausanias glanced up. She smiled at him. "Very well, thank you, Pausanias." With an elegant motion she slipped one of her bracelets off and laid it in his outstretched hand. She stared at him intensely, and remarked just before he dropped his gaze for hers: "Such loyalty needs to be rewarded." A feeling of triumph brought a glimmer in her eyes. "You may go."

-

Alexander stared at the text blankly. He felt bad, so bad, and angry, and worried, but he could do nothing. Hephaistion had not confided in him, not spoken to him as he should have. What was he to do now? He could not lose him. It was impossible that they could not even make it through a chance of homes, a chance of atmosphere, a chance of… everything, except who they were. They were supposed to be together forever, the gods had promised to make it so. They could not give up now.

Which did not take away that this was Hephaistion's fault, and that the other better have a very good excuse for this. Alexander sighed.

"Alexander, open the door!"

The prince's head snapped up and he frowned. "Mother?"

No one answered, and sudden nerves made their way through his body. He quickly slipped of his bed and unbolted the door. "Mother? What's wrong?"

She was already dressed for bed, but her eyes were alert and worried. "I am sorry I have to bring this news to you, Alexander…" She reached out with one hand and put it on his shoulder, squeezing gently. "But I was right about Hephaistion. He is sharing your father's bed."

Alexander's mouth dropped open, a disbelieving smile touching his lips. "What? Hephaistion…? Mother that is the worst nonse-" He stilled. Pausanias. Had come. To take him. To…

Without waiting for his mother's reaction he ran past her, through the palace, heading for his father's rooms, his vision blurry. This was not the truth. It just wasn't. He would not believe it until he had proof. Hephaistion had probably been called there to.. to what? To_ what_? Oh, and Hephaistion had asked him to sleep with him, he had… already found out what it was like anyway… no no no... remember the look in his eyes! Hephaistion loved him…

The guards jumped up as he appeared into view, but Alexander ignored them and tried opening the door, and when it didn't work he banged loudly on it. "Father!"

Strong hands gripped his arms. He furiously tried to fight them off just as a howl of pain sounded from the inside of the room. "Hephaistion!" he yelled.

No, he realised a split second later, it had been his father's voice, what was happening in there? He needed to get in…He hardly noticed his mother tell the men holding him to release him, so focused was he on any sounds from inside. Some muffled sounds, struggling, then the heavy sound of the bolt being removed from the door and the door opening…

Hephaistion had ran past him before he even fully understood what was happening. He caught a glimpse of a unfocused eyes from under dishevelled dark hair, then his friend, wrapped in nothing but a blanket, disappeared around the corner of the corridor without so much as a sound.

"Hephaistion…" he breathed, too late for the other to hear him.

He was woken from his short reverie by his mother's mocking voice. "Philip, what is the meaning of this? Did you have no idea that he was Alexander's lover?"

Alexander's heart hardened, and with a straight face he followed her into his father's bedroom. King Philip was sitting on the edge of his large bed, bent forward and breathing loudly.

"Perhaps it is for the best Alexander has seen now that this Hephaistion was not interested in him, but in his title," Olympias continued coldly, "but I had not expected you to betray your son. You have been sleeping with him for a week."

Alexander could not think as he took in the information, in his mind still the image of the empty eyes of his friend. His mother's fingers dug in his shoulder as she gripped him, but he could do nothing but breathe. Hope that he would wake up soon.

His father sighed and spoke with a low, tired voice. "He has not shared my bed, woman. Nor is it any of your business."

"Don't lie," Olympias hissed. "He has visited your rooms the whole week. Are you telling me, are you telling _Alexander_, that you have just chit-chatted with him all that time? When we have just come across _this_? If you had been sober, you might have understood that denying it only adds to your shame."

"No." Alexander interrupted the short silence, and twisted away from his mother's hand. It had been enough. "I don't want to hear it. I hope, father, that whatever you have done, you have taken pride in it. I would not have an honourless father, cursed by the gods for his arrogance and idiocy in this drunken state. But I will trust them to make their judgement." His voice dropped further, as his unseeing eyes remained directed at his father's hunched form, and his jaw clenched. "I, however, am not interested in what you have to say, your ever lying words, from such a twisted mind. Pray, father. Pray that I will find Hephaistion and that what he will tell me is not what I fear it will be." He took another breath, but no more words could find their way to his mouth.

He diverted his gaze, and ignoring his mother, who was watching him with large eyes, and his father, who was finally attempting to stand up to no doubt shame himself further, he left the room and the two stunned guards behind.


	12. chapter 12

To Nelia: I am ever happy to write this quickly… especially chapters like this one below. I've been dreaming about thisscene from the very first chapter I wrote on this story! It's definitely my own fav so far. :) (though I must say I was also grinning happily after writing Alexander's little speech to his father last chap lol)

To annakas: Yes yes, I've written more, I'm doing my best… :)

To mamanchat: You can stop being overly worried now, just read on:)

To Julie: Glad to hear from you, glad you like. ;)

To Lyndsay: Thank you!

To Annie: I don't think he will regret it! Everything better than getting raped, it seems to me… But I fear along with you he'll get in trouble...

To Valo: Yay, that's good news! And I will most certainly go on… you know, everyone kinda says the same, and I'm not even bothered. :P

To lvingphai: It is most sweet of you to be so understanding, thank you! But I had a good night's sleep and happily wrote on today, even if I have a very annoying little itch in my lungs at the moment so I keep coughing. I will definitely take good care of myself though, don't worry, writing is one of the things that keeps me happy. Anyway, thanks, and a big hug back!

Now, on on on you go…

-

It was one of the darkest nights, moon and stars veiled by heavy clouds that had kept the warmth of the day down by the earth. He had no idea where he was heading, just knew that he did not wish to be found. Just needed to be alone and not think, not worry, not remember Philip or Alexander's immensely shocked and sad face. Not now. Just needed to go on walking, running. An ache in his chest unlike any he'd ever known made his mind go blank.

Then his foot hooked behind something and he stumbled to the ground, his face in the dirt but not feeling the pain. Panting, he gathered the blanket around himself once more and sat up. He was naked and outside. What way back was there? To the palace, to the past? There was just intense darkness, and he'd rather die than face the morning.

It could have been five minutes ago, it could have been an hour. It could have been forever. That he seen Alexander's face. That he had been in that room, a room of panic and fear and hazy memories. He needed to… needed to… disappear from this world. Just for now. He crawled beneath the blanket, hiding himself from everything but the sound of his own sped up breathing and the dark emptiness that followed him wherever he would go. Despair tore at his heart, kept his body motionless.

Suddenly he tensed and his heart skipped a beat.

"Hephaistion! Are you there?" A short pause in which there was just the sound of the wind in the trees, then the nervous voice again. "Hephaistion!"

He would rise, he would run towards Alexander who was shining like a divine being, who would hug him and kiss him and speak words of love. Alexander who would understand him, like he always had. Alexander his everything. Everything he had left.

He did not move.

"Hephaistion, answer me!" Alexander sounded different now. Older. Commanding.

He did not move.

A long silence stretched out into the night. With sudden fear he realised that the other might have turned back, left him alone. Given up. That perhaps all was really lost.

But someone still called, a new name. "Patroclos…"

Hephaistion held his breath in surprise. There was no doubt. It was Achilles' voice that asked for him, the great hero who had been left alone in the world after burying his most beloved. He was right there, using Alexander's voice. And he called Patroclos back to him. As one torn soul would call the other…

He had to cough before any sound would leave his throat "Achilles…" He sat up. "Alexander!"

"Hephaistion!" Alexander had been closer then he had realised, led there by the gods or Achilles himself, who was ever pulled towards the other half of his being.

The next moment his body was caught in a strong embrace as Alexander dived down on him, burying his face in his neck. "Phaistion… love, are you alright?"

"Yeah…" Hephaistion's soft voice drifted away as his arms closed around the person holding him.

"You're not hurt?"

"No… no it's fine."

They could not see, just feel. Alexander's mouth against the naked skin of his shoulder, his chiton and the warm body beneath it pressed against his chest. Fingers stroking his back, arms squeezing harder. His sweet and smell ever calming him. For a some minutes they just breathed together, finding peace in each other's presence even with so much between them. Then Alexander hesitantly broke the silence. "I… Phai, I have not been blind the past week, and now this… You need to tell me."

"Yes," Hephaistion agreed quietly, then took a deep breath. Alexander had noticed. And suddenly sounded so much older… "I would have told you sooner but-"

The other leaned back and a searching hand clamped down over his mouth. "Shhhh, it doesn't matter now. Just tell me what happened, everything. All of it. I will not have my father know anything that has to do with you that I don't know."

Hephaistion swallowed, a strange sense of relief coming over him. Soon, Alexander would know everything, and whatever his reaction would be, he would at least not be alone in this anymore. And Alexander still loved him.

He was gently pushed down to the ground and the other crawled beside him, wrapping the blanket tightly around them, and a moment later his arms.

Hephaistion would speak words of love, of the utter gratitude he felt, but he knew he should not just yet. One dark eye looked at him from the blackness of his mind, and a shiver passed down his back.

Alexander's thumb soothed him, making a circling motion at the base of his spine. It was Hephaistion's turn to speak now, his chance to create new light in the darkness.


	13. chapter 13

My health is going up and down a bit at the moment, I had a terrible day.My lungs ache from coughing and my nose from sniffing... Yet, I found thestrength to get some writing done anyway. I hope you can forgive me for not responding to everyone in person again, even though I usually enjoy it, I'm just too tired. I'll just say thank you, I'm glad you enjoy the less angsty chapters as well!

-

"I'll kill him," was Alexander's cold response after his friend had told him everything that happened this long week. As he had requested no detail had been left out, not about the meetings with his father and what he had said about his mother, not about his doubts and guilt, not about the kiss – Alexander found it hard to remain quiet, yet had done so anyway –, not even about how angry he had been when Alexander had acted so cold towards him earlier. Only when he came upon what happened after he had entered Philip's room, Hephaistion's voice had faltered and Alexander had kissed him, not sure if he could take hearing it anyway. It tore his heart out. _"I would have died had you not come, Alexander…"_

Hephaistion seemed to have gotten himself together again. "You cannot murder him, Alexander, he is your father. No one should murder a member of his own family. If only because the gods don't like it."

"I don't care."

"But I do." Hephaistion's hand moved up to his face, and traced slow lines over his cheek. "You need them on your side. We need them on _our _side."

Alexander remained quiet, not sure what to think or do with all this anger raging inside of him, this strong urge to _do_ something. Had Hephaistion not been here now, in need of him, his father would not even live to see the next dawn. But he hid his feelings well, not wanting to trouble his friend further. For the first time, he was holding an upset Hephaistion, instead of the other way around. For the first time, he had to be the older, the wiser. At least for a bit.

He moved forward and gently brushed his lips over his lover's.

Hephaistion let him for a moment, then turned his head away. "You have just as much reason to be angry with _me_."

"Or you with me," Alexander sighed. "I've been just as stupid, just as… blind. Yes, I have been blind, if not to you then to everything else in the world." His voice dropped to a whisper as he breathed out his next words against Hephaistion's cheek. "Forgive me…"

Hephaistion turned back to him, and Alexander could simply _hear _the other was frowning. "Of course, of course… and you've already changed… _we _changed… I feel it." A short sigh escaped his lips. "And… oh, you don't want to hear it was all my fault, do you?"

"I never want to hear you say those words, no." Alexander could feel his friend's face turn into a smile, and he softly sucked on a lower lip before their tongues met, sweet and unhurried, savouring every feeling. The intensity of shared love made his anger fade away, all he wanted was to taste and soothe, wash away all memory of his father – for both Hephaistion and himself.

Hephaistion trembled, and Alexander reached up to wipe away tears, but there were none. He leaned back. "What's wrong? Are you cold?"

More shudders passed down his lover's spine. "Not that b-bad. Don't know. Just- tired."

Alexander's fingers lightly played over Hephaistion's neck, but he inwardly cursed himself. "Come, let's go inside."

"Alexander…" Hephaistion breathed out, while the prince pulled him along in a sitting position, "Can we not stay here?"

"No. We need to go back. Don't worry, no one will stop us," he whispered. And, after pressing an insistent kiss on the other's lips: "Trust me."

"I don't even have a clue where we are," Hephaistion half-laughed, but Alexander heard the strain in his voice.

"I do. Come on, get up." Alexander helped him to stand, then put one hand on his friend's shoulder and turned Hephaistion's head with his other, caressing the ruffled hair. "I asked the guards to light an extra torch. See, there's light." In the distance flickered the fire, partly shielded by the trees.

"They are your father's men," Hephaistion stated after a short silence.

"They are my friends. Come."

"Your _friends_?"

Alexander halted. "You sound just like my mother now. I played with them when I was a child."

"Sorry," was Hephaistion's nearly inaudible reply, as his body shook once more.

Alexander let his breath slip away and pulled on his lover's hand. "Relax. And mind your feet."

"I'm not stupid," his friend bit back quietly, then groaned. "Sorry- did not mean that like it sounded. Was thinking of… wrong things. Walk then."

They stepped through the darkness towards the torches, instinctively keeping their noise down to a minimum as grass and leaves and dirt passed below their feet. Alexander glanced up at Hephaistion. His friend's face seemed ethereal despite the frown on his forehead, and bright eyes were focused on the distant light in an unmoving stare. He did not know what was going through the other's head, was not even sure he wanted to guess. He was glad when he could finally sign the two men on each side of the entrance to open the door for them, and Hephaistion followed him inside without another word while he breathed out a soft "Zeus bless you."


	14. chapter 14

I must say that of all chapters, I like this one best. I know, it's not an original message but just the truth lol. I love Hephaistion too much…

To Nelia: Crying… no, not Hephaistion. Not yet anyway… :)

To Valo: Oh are we demanding now are we:P I should just punish you and not post this… but… you are lucky, that is not in my nature. ;)

To annakas: Yes, they are so sweet together. If they want to be, anyway. And I'll soon feel better I hope, the fever dropped… thanks.

To Lyndsay: Thank you, thank you.

To Annie: Alexander is on the brink of becoming an adult, but not quite there yet. And Philip… ah Philip what will he do? ;)

To mamanchat: No it's me having the flu lol. Though perhaps Phai got it from me, we've been spending so much time together. Oh wait, I promised him not to tell anyone… :P

To Gabo0: I truly do not mind it if you feel like writing fanfiction on my fanfiction lol, as a matter of fact it I think it is the highest honour one could give any writer. So, I should say thank you!

-

There was always a new day. And this day started with rain, pouring down from the sky, endless rivers of water soaking the dry earth and streaming by the window, blurring the outside world. Washing away all imprints left on it. The monotonous humming of the rain dulling all other sounds. The light was vague, even though Hephaistion felt that it was already halfway through the morning. He had slept soundly after Alexander had taken him to bed, tiredness of all the previous nights overwhelming him and leaving him warm and safe in Alexander's arms. Until he had woken up, alone in bed, his friend standing a few meters away.

Alexander stood motionless, gazing outside, but Hephaistion knew his eyes were not focused on anything in particular. He recognized that look for he had seen it often enough – his friend's mind was elsewhere. Conquests. Dreams. Alexander had told him once that his mind would drift away and he jumped into another time and place, leading an army of a size that the world had never known, thinking out great battles and leading his men into them without fear. That dream world had always been part of his life. Already, Hephaistion was sharing his lover with his future king, but he had accepted it. A bit of a melancholy smile touched his lips, but his heart was filled with the unmistakable love he felt whenever he looked upon his friend's proud figure.

Suddenly aware of the fact Hephaistion had awoken, young, dreaming Alexander turned his head and their eyes… met… Alexander was staring through him again, still looking into that other world and… the rain blurred the background, turned his curls into… longer and darker, his eyes deeper and browner and his face turning… older, and there was this different Alexander staring back at him and Hephaistion wished to reach out and touch, run his fingers over that pained forehead… ease his pain… those eyes who had seen so much more…

Oh Alexander, who will you be? Is this what time will make of you? Will I be there for you still? Will you trust me like you do now?

A worried voice breathed over his face. "Phai, is everything alright?" Alexander was kneeling beside his bed, young brown eyes with a slight frown above them asking for reassurance. His own Alexander again.

"Of course." Hephaistion gave his friend a short smile and sat up, leaning back on his arms, diverting his eyes as Alexander came to sit next to him. Of course he was alright. He had nearly been raped the night before, was now having delusional visions. Perfectly fine.

A hand came up to brush his cheek. "I have water ready for a bath, if you wish. Even though it looks sweet, you're rather dirty."

Dirty. Hephaistion looked up. "Wrong choice of words, Alexander."

After a short moment of confusion, the blond boy's eyes turned large. "That's not what I meant! I meant that you… there's grime on your face."

"Yeah, I suppose I should wash it off," Hephaistion replied dully. He did not understand the sudden annoyance coming over him, but now that the worries were gone for a moment he just wished to be left alone. He did not feel like going through the coming day.

"There's also breakfast, in case you are interested," Alexander pointed out hesitatingly, motioning for the bed stand on the other side.

Alexander was pampering him. Did the other not understand he could not have that right now? "I'll bathe first," he replied softly, waving the other's presence away and climbing off the bed. Without looking back he walked over to Alexander's personal bathroom, where the hot water was waiting for him. It _was_ just what he needed.

It took some time pouring the water in the tub, then he let himself slide in, closing his eyes, the warmth surrounding him. A fragrance had already been added to the water, some smell he could not quite place but was pleasant. He dipped his head under water and rubbed his cheeks. Alexander was right, he probably was really filthy.

He stiffened. Alexander was right, he was _dirty _also. He breathed in deeply trough his nose. Oh, he needed to get rid of that feeling.

Hephaistion knew that his friend was watching him from the door, but chose to ignore it. Could now hear him move closer, soft bare feet upon the tiles, then halt.

"Phai, you're not the only one upset you know."

In surprise, Hephaistion looked up and realised the other was biting back tears. "'Sander…" Breathing out a soft sigh, he stretched out his arms and rose partly from his warm bath, to press his younger friend to his chest. He had almost forgotten that he was indeed not the only one in this mess, that being alone would from now on mean, being with Alexander. Their future was one and the same.

He looked up and smiled at Alexander, who smiled back through his tears and then angrily wiped them away. "I'm sorry to be so weak when you are being so strong. As if all of this happened to _me_, not you."

"It did happen to you," Hephaistion whispered, and kissed him on the cheek before asking: "Join me?"

With another grateful smile as an answer, Alexander ridded himself of his chiton and came to sit on his lap, resting his head against his shoulder, pulling Hephaistion's arms around him. The water surrounded both of them, welcoming them home. "Love you…"

"Love you as well, Achilles," he breathed into the other's ear, suddenly feeling the urge to smile brightly and not suppressing it. All dark thoughts left.

His friend's brown eyes glanced up at him and a soft chuckle left his mouth. "Patroclos! That was a good one, wasn't it?"

"I could've sworn I heard Achilles," Hephaistion agreed, slowly letting his hands glide over his lover's stomach, chest, arms.

Alexander settled back, enjoying the feel of the calming touches. Everything went quiet as they both relaxed, just being together. Yet after a while, he suddenly sat up and turned around. "Let me wash you."

Their eyes met, and they both knew just what was going on in the other's head. Hephaistion nodded slowly, leaned forward to press their lips together in a gentle kiss, then a short touching of foreheads. "Go ahead, Alexander."


	15. chapter 15

Thanks for all your compliments about my update speed lol, I'm so sorry to leave you all hanging there this time… Point is that sometimes, I do have a little bit of a life, and since my term break is over, school is eating up my time as well… Life is hard. ;) But don't fear, I have not left you, and I'll really try to update often. (and thanks for your concern, Annie, I'm happy to report that I'm really feeling better again!)

Special surprise for dear Valo: the bathing scene! No, not in this chapter, but in a short interlude I wrote just for fun, because I needed an inspiration boost. Since it is written in a different way than the rest of the story I have decided not to post it here, but you can read it in my lj (see my 'homepage'). Everyone interested (who could not be? lol), please take a look and feel free to leave comments. :)

-

She watched the boys of Pella wrestling, sitting quiet like a statue, only the occasional movements of her eyes betraying life in her body. The morning was already heating up, but Olympias had placed herself in the shadow of one of the surrounding buildings, as she had done often, even after Alexander left. A servant continuously waved fresh air in her direction, the created breeze moving her dark curls. The children's fanatical grappling calmed her… They fought so bravely for a bit of honour, these were the men that would serve her son in the future. She had kept and was still keeping an eye on everything, for Alexander, for when he would gratefully accept her help to prepare him for his kingship.

A shadow moved in the corner of her eye and someone approached, but she did not let her eyes drift from the two closest boys, the dark-haired one gripping the other around the waist to pull him down, but failing as the other tackled him and they both fell in the sand.

"Why are you watching them?"

She looked up, and her cool eyes rested on two brown ones. Her lips turned into a smile. "Ah, Alexander. How are you?" She wondered what had happened last night after he had taken off, after he had given his father that little speech that still made her feel proud. Her little Alexander, using his rhetoric qualities on the one who insisted him being taught – it was too good to be true.

Her golden-haired son did not answer, as his eyes drifted to the servant standing a few paces away. With a straight face she motioned for the man to leave. He did so quickly, his eyes turned down. "Well?"

"I found Hephaistion yesterday," he answered steadily.

She had assumed that much, even if she had hoped otherwise. She pouted her lips a little, settling her gaze back on his. "What did he have to say for himself?"

Alexander huffed in annoyance. "My father talked him into believing that he'd loose me unless he could be of use to me. So Hephaistion agreed to let Philip teach him about warfare."

Olympias slowly rose her eyebrows. "I see." That was amusing news, and she could have known. He was a smart man, after all, despite his weaknesses. It could not have been hard to make the other understand that his future was hopeless, for it was the truth…

If only his lust for young flesh had not driven him to nearly rape the boy last night, his plan might have succeeded and his son's confidant would have been his. Now, Philip had nothing, and Hephaistion had been proven disloyal, so all her Alexander had left was herself. The gods were smiling down upon her. Her lips curled upwards and a chuckle left her mouth. "Your father always had an eye for beauty."

Alexander glared at her, and his voice was calm but sharp. "You think this amusing, mother?"

Only then she realised it, surprising flooding over her features, and she glared back at him. "You have not opened your eyes yet, have you? Love is still blinding you!" How could he not see this? How was it possible he still believed in his 'friend'? After this! That Hephaistion surely was a good talker, that he managed to get himself out of this. And oh, Alexander had developed these weaknesses in his heart, while she had not been there to keep an eye on him, if only he was not completely spoiled…

"No mother, it has opened my eyes," he objected resolutely, a frown settling over his face.

"Do not speak such foolish words, Alexander. See what Hephaistion has done. With the first sign of his own future being endangered, he chooses what it is best for himself. Would you have someone like that by your side? He will betray you."

"It is my choice. My life, my heart and my kingship. For once, you will have to trust _me _in this." He turned away from her, his lips pressed to thin lines.

"Alexander, you are a fool!" She hastily stopped herself when multiple eyes settled on her and her son, who was now scowling down upon her.

There was a hint of sarcasm in his words. "Fortune favours the bold, they say, mother. Let me take my chance, even if you consider it dangerous!"

Olympias swallowed as she turned her head towards the yard once more, where the boys had just been told to leave for the noon. Alexander did not listen to her. He was not going to be convinced. She had to go along with him now, she knew, or there was a chance she would lose him. Later he would find out she had been right all along… but then he would only learn to put more trust in her. Even if it would hurt him terribly when his love for this Hephaistion would betray him, it was part of life. She had to let him make his own mistakes, and could only hope they would not prove to be fatal. "Alright, Alexander," she spoke evenly, releasing an audible sigh. A silence followed.

"Mother, I trust you, and I need your help." The tone of his voice had changed, softer now, pleading, and his eyes showed his anguish as he directed himself at her. "What will Philip do? How can I protect Hephaistion from him?"

Poor, distressed Alexander. Hopelessly trying to protect this man that had stolen his heart, and was now trying to break him. If Hephaistion was smart enough for that. If he was not, then he was vulnerable for more play – if she took the initiative herself now. Or perhaps getting rid of him wasthe best method. Not for Philip, but at least for herself… What would Philip do, indeed?

She met his eyes calmly and then softened her gaze, hiding her thoughts. "Your father is king. He will do what he wants to do, you cannot protect him, unless you wish to send him away from Pella. But I assume you wish to keep your little lover with you."

Alexander's dark eyes darted away from hers for a moment, then returned, looking only slightly more reserved. Hiding his anger perfectly. At least he did still realise he needed her, and should not oppose her further. It nearly made her smile. "Is Hephaistion's life in danger?"

Olympias quietly shook her head and sighed. "Rumours have spread through the palace, Alexander. No one knows exactly what has happened, but enough is known to make this a hard situation for Philip. His pride is on the line. Who knows what he will do?"

"But would he kill?" Alexander blurted out, his voice desperate. "Mother, be clear!"

"He is ever out on hurting you, Alexander." But now, she would take control of the situation. "For you, I will try to speak with him. In the mean time, you should make sure to let no other word get out about this. Tell that to Hephaistion as well, this is Philip's decision."


	16. chapter 16

A reminder of someone who visited my lj some days ago, gave me the sudden inspiration to start writing on this again… Thanks. :)

So, here's chapter 16, thank you all for waiting patiently (well not that you had a choice ;)). I _am_ sorry for not updating sooner, but I just needed a break. Not that I ever stopped writing (don't fear, Valo ;)), but plotless stuff is just so much easier to write. That reminds me, thanks to all of you who reviewed on my little interlude in paradise, both here on and on my lj. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :)

chapter 16

"My king, Hephaistion is in prince Alexander's room. But he… he claims he is unwell."

Philip looked up at the servant boy, who had just entered his room and now stood with downcast eyes. Unwell… such an interesting excuse to disobey an order. "Was he alone?"

"From what I could tell, yes, my lord." The boy swallowed.

It seemed everyone already knew what happened, and everyone was even more cautious around their king. And they were right to be. There was only a slight headache lingering, but anger rose inside of him every time he thought back on what happened last night – what he could remember of it. Anger and… regret. He had finally claimed what he wanted, and had been completely embarrassed in front of his wife, son, guards, and with them the rest of the world. One did not embarrass a king, not even one who might… have gone too far. But kings don't go too far.

"Very well. You may go." And as the boy turned around he added: "But- do not open your mouth about this to anyone. You understand?" His glare made sure the other understood, and the boy left the room quickly without looking back.

Philip sighed. So, Alexander had left his precious one alone, and if he knew his son well enough it was to speak with his mother. Who would without doubt think of her own plan to deal with this, anything to get Hephaistion out of the picture and get her Alexander back. That was the last thing he would allow to happen.

He stood up and opened the large wooden trunk in the back of his room, and took out his long brown cloak. Sneaking about in his own palace was not one of his habits, but he was not planning to let everyone know that their king was visiting his son's room after what just happened. He _could_ just let Hephaistion be brought to him, if he wanted, but that would only draw more attention.

Unseen by anyone he left his room, hood pulled down as he hurried through the corridors towards his destination. This situation should have been avoided. He had run right past what he had wanted to achieve, had made it impossible now, even... One thing you learned soon enough after becoming king, was that even a king could not get _everything_.

"Hephaistion," he called upon reaching his son's quarters, and knocked firmly on the door.

No response.

Philip's lips became a thin line as he let his breath slip away through his nose. "I am sure not all of your common sense has left you, and you will let your _king _in."

After another moment, he heard soft footsteps and the door was unbarred. A pale face appeared, and alert blue eyes. Familiar beauty.

Philip placed a hand on the door and pushed it further open, the Hephaistion backing away as he entered the room. "I am glad to see you are not too unwell to be able to open the door." He smiled, then closed and barred the door behind him.

He turned back to the younger, his voice slightly mocking. "I hope you are not… hurt?"

Hephaistion stared back at him. "I am fine, my king."

"Are you sure?" He knew Hephaistion was not so ignorant that he'd think his situation was as he just said – it was far from fine.

But the dark-haired did not respond, just waited, his slender right hand nervously drifting over his upper leg.

Philip slowly shook his head. "I never wished there to be strife between us, Hephaistion, I have come to like you. But apparently, that is one-sided. Not many are bold enough to… show that." The other did not meet his challenging gaze, but left the silence hanging in the room.

"Lost your tongue?"

Hephaistion hesitated, then cleared his throat and looked up. "Anything I'd say would be even more… boldness, my king."

Honesty, and indeed more boldness. It actually pleased him. But the young man was now looking at him rather arrogantly, and Philip gave him an ironic smile. "Not the type for begging for forgiveness? Join me in my bed and all of this will be forgotten."

It was worth it just to see Hephaistion's expression change - appalled, even more alert and brains that seemed working at top speed.

This was not about someone who was trying to dishonour his king, Philip realised, but about someone who was, just as his son, led by friendship and love. His own anger was justified, but perhaps it should be directed at the Gods and not at this young man… and not even a king should dare oppose a God.

With a sudden change of demeanour, Philip laughed. "I thought that idea would not appeal to you, Hephaistion, loving Alexander as you do." His expression sobered. "But I cannot just let you get away with this, I know you understand that."

Their eyes met, and for the first time since he entered, the young man's body relaxed. A large gap between them, in position, in desires, but Hephaistion finally seemed to realise that the king did not want to see him killed. Was not out to hurt him, even after what had happened. Was perhaps even letting some of his pride go. There was wonder on Hephaistion's face.

Simply content that a form of mutual understanding had been reached, a little smile came on Philip's lips, and he spoke again, softer. "I would see Alexander be king one day. I would see one proven as loyal as you at his side. What has happened has nothing to do with that, except proving you both capable of standing up for yourself – even if it was… unwise. And unacceptable. My reign is not over yet, and I can not tolerate my son and his lover standing up to me."

"I understand," Hephaistion responded softly.

"Good. Then you will see how easily I will let you get away with this – I have a meeting with my generals this afternoon, you will ask permission to speak to me and apologize to me in front of them. And," Philip said after a short pause, "I demand obedience, from now on."

The beautiful young man, the one who would from now on belong to his son and never to him, sighed and nodded. "That is acceptable." Again, their eyes met.

Not letting go of his newfound pride, acting as if he was offered a choice, speaking as if Philip was just an ordinary man... This was the very last time he would let Hephaistion get away with that. One last time, he would see some kind of equal in him. There was a wild soul in there, brave, smart, caring and loyal, someone who would certainly grow to be someone commanding respect, in his own quiet way.

When he walked closer, Hephaistion did not step backwards. Not even when he extended his hand and placed on the other's shoulder.Philip's lips curled up in a tiny smile, before breaking their eye contact, turning around and leaving the room.


	17. chapter 17

Here I am again! After finally having taken my last tests, I had the time to sit down and get the next chapter written.

It's interesting to see how different your opinions are on the credibility of Phai's and Philip's actions in the last chap… or perhaps I should say I really loved Komadori's criticism! It's good to know people take a closer look at what I write. I hope this chapter will help you realise that the cunning youth who seduced a prince is still there, and that he had not lost his mind when he 'just' let his rapist in. Oh and I hope you didn't mind my long mail, Komadori, I got a bit carried away lol. (and all inspired again as well, thanks once more!)

Hey Nicholas! I'm really glad that you like my view on things. I figured it was time for a story that would take closer look at Philip, though I must admit I find it hard to write. It's very rewarding though. :)

And yeah, I was ill – but that is more than a month ago now, I think. I'm all happy and healthy now!

(the site refuses to let me make some kind of seperation between the A/N and the chap... it's getting worse and worse to handle... groans)

Chapter 17

With swift paces, Alexander hurried back to his room. His mother's opinion on the matter was not really reassuring, but even though he knew she disliked Hephaistion, he trusted her. She would help them. After all, his mother always protected his best interest, and he had made very clear to her that his best interest was in this case, having Hephaistion safe. She had given up trying to convince him otherwise… though not because of lack of willpower.

And deep in his stomach, mingled with worry over his friend, there was a little nagging feeling. He never had to fight his mother before. Not like this. He understood her point of view, understood her fears, but the disturbing thing was that she did not seem to understand his own point of view… not at all… she did not take him seriously. His mother was, after all, never eager to admit she might be wrong – she usually wasn't wrong, just this time.

Everything in his own world had become different, when Hephaistion had taught him that there could be such a thing as honest love, a force in your life other than the knowledge he would king one day. His mother never had such love, obviously – how could he blame her for not understanding? It was a feeling, something that you would only understand when you felt it. And a true leader needed intuition as much as intellect.

"Hephaistion!" he called upon reaching his room, and waited for the door to open. When it finally did, Alexander stiffened. "What's wrong, what…?"

"Nothing, just come in."

Nothing? Looking as if you had just been frightened to death was nothing? Even… fighting tears? Alexander gave his friend a worried, questioning look, then entered silently, his gaze sweeping through the room. What had happened?

He turned around, waiting for his friend to meet his eyes, but the other did not look at him. "So, did you find her?" Hephaistion asked after a few moments, his voice soft.

Alexander swallowed. "Uhm… she said she would talk to… Philip."

Hephaistion shook his head slowly, dark hair dangling in front of his eyes. "That… will no longer be necessary. Your father has already made his decision." Finally he looked up and met Alexander's eyes.

The prince froze as fear tickled his insides. "And you would know that… how exactly?"

"He came here to tell me."

"You…" Alexander tried to make himself take another breath, suddenly feeling strangely light-headed. "You're not telling me…" Seeing Hephaistion's expression, he drew the right conclusion. "You let him in! I told you to-"

"Alexander, don't worry, I did but-"

"Idiot!" Alexander yelled, grabbing Hephaistion by the shoulders while his eyes bored into the other's disturbed blue ones. "You- he- …you tell me that- after last night when I _rescued_ you from him, the moment I am gone- you let him in again! I can't believe- have you completely lost your mind! Hephaistion…" Another breath, another. "If he had tried to… _do _something again, if he had hurt you… you _fool…_"

He had no more words as he thought of what might have happened _then_, but suddenly Hephaistion's eyes tightened and Alexander's arms were roughly shoved down, a hard push threw him backwards, his back hitting the wall and a moment later the sparkle of a knife just below his chin. "I am not helpless," a low voice breathed over his face. The pressure of a knee against Alexander's crotch increased painfully.

"Hephaistion…" The prince swallowed as he met Hephaistion's intense gaze, and he quickly looked away… looked back again, trying to keep his breathing even. His lover's behaviour scared him somehow, not because he felt he was in danger but because… he was not sure he knew this person. "You would have killed my father… to prove that?"

A humourless laugh left his friend's lips, but as Hephaistion tossed the knife aside and turned around, Alexander knew the other was not as sure as he would like him to believe.

Hephaistion's fists clenched as he stood unmoving, his head bent down. "What was I supposed to do? He summoned me to his rooms… I couldn't go, figured he would send someone more impressive than a boy to get what he wanted… I had just bought myself time – I hoped that you would be back on time, then I realised… I don't need you to protect me, I'm no nearly-raped distressed maiden… nor am I a boy anymore. We might have still been boys when we were with Aristotle, that time is over." Hephaistion swirled around and caught Alexander's gaze with his own. "I am a _man_, Alexander, I will not hide from him nor will I be chased away. If he had not given up – perhaps then I finally would have done something I could be proud of, for the first time since I got myself in this madness." With a sigh the dark-haired looked away, swallowed, then walked over to where his knife lay motionless on the floor and he and picked it up, then secured it to his leg again with the leather straps beneath his chiton.

Alexander watched him, his heart sinking deep into his stomach. "You would have turned from a man into a _dead_ man."

Hephaistion glanced up, his eyes sad. "Yes. I'm sorry for that, Alexander." The young man made his way to the window, halted there. His form one of silent regret, radiating solitude in the midst of his own thoughts after that what he had almost done.

Slowly, Alexander let the air slip from his lungs. He had come _this_ close, this close to a sudden mess worse than any other he had ever known, this close to losing the brother of his heart, this close to having the future that he had thought out for the both of them, crumbling down around him, this close to having to face an execution – or a wild flight, or…

And all of had had to deal with all these things while he had been begging his _mother_…

Shame crept up on him, shame that Hephaistion claimed to be man, and he could not help but feel that he himself was not one. He had never considered the situation to be as bad that... his friend would kill. The one he thought he knew through and through, closer to his heart than any other, and that still was somehow a stranger to him since he had not ever seen this coming… All these changes in Hephaistion and perhaps they were still further apart than they thought, because the future was never a beautiful place, not without so many fights that would be there even in the happiest moments…

"So what _did_ Philip do?" Alexander asked, his voice soft.

A sigh lingered in the air. "He… I have to apologize in front of his generals."

"And you're going to do that."

"Yes."

Alexander was quiet. Hephaistion had gone from being ready to murder, to being ready to humiliate himself. For the man who had nearly raped him, and caused all of this in the first place. He let his thoughts slip away on a cold tone. "He should be the one apologizing. Down on his knees for what he dared-"

"Just be glad, Alexander!" Hephaistion snapped suddenly, barely restrained anger in his voice.

Alexander bit his lip to stop himself from snapping back: 'About what! That he is the king and has tried to rape the one I love, or that he will make you crawl in front of his men…' He didn't want Hephaistion humiliated, not ever, not by anyone, but there was little choice in the matter and there was no use in speaking his thoughts out loud. Hephaistion was thinking the same anyway.

Slowly, he walked over to where his lover stood and halted next to him, both their gazes focused in the middle of nowhere as they followed their own thoughts. Yes, this was the best solution for all of them… "This is my father's best shot as well. Serves his purpose, causes little trouble."


End file.
